Dashboard Confessional - So Long, So Long
The perfect summer song. Well the album itself is amazing. Soundtrack to any summer for anyone going through anything.
Out of town for the day. Always feels good. Headed to downtown Nashville with the family. Brings back good and bad memories. Hopping to make new ones today…I really need to permanently move past well the past. As much as I love history class, I think it rubbed off on me too much. I study the past and memorize it. It’s just something I think about. The past is intriguing as interesting but when dealing with your own past it’s something completely different. Reminiscing triggers emotions that I can’t always shake off.
That’s kind of why I made this tumblr blog.. Maybe if I type all of this down and delete it then maybe I’ll forget it.
As I make my transition from high school to college, I am mentally preparing myself for a new environment. Don’t get me wrong, i’m definitely ready for a “fresh start” but high school just went by too fast. Upon graduation day i was just rushed with tons of feelings. I had an anxiety attack that morning, and it wasn’t from the usual.
All I could think about was if I was going to succeed, would I be liked there, will I find the right guy? stuff I honestly shouldn’t be worrying about. I just want to live life with no expectations or regrets. seems to work for so many other people. I know i’m not normal. I’m really different and weird i guess but who cares. Makes me interesting i think. I hope he thinks so too.
If I ever read this in the future, I would just want to remind you that you are a wonderful and special person. Don’t fret about the little things. Make the best of what you have and keep the ones you love close. Love is everywhere if you choose to accept it. God made this world and gave you life that you must live. But not just live, enjoy.
what’s on my brain : LOVE
ELLO ELLO ELLO ELLO VEE EEE
I’m talking bout’ LOVE
I’ve heard friends and family all say that love comes once in a lifetime. I don’t completely agree with that. Love comes multiple times in life. Some of us might choose to reject that love or embrace it..many times. There is a difference between strong feelings and love. I feel that i’ve experienced love in a weird form both times. Most recently the guy I was dating broke my heart. It took me months to finally move on. But honestly, I really don’t feel done. The feelings I got when I saw him seem to be gone, but that spark remains. It’s kept deep down in my heart where it cannot escape for good reason. And now he’s with her. He looks so happy, fulfilled, satisfied. Everything that he wasn’t with me..but seeing him with her makes me so happy for some reason. It gives me hope that maybe one day I’ll feel like that again and it will be reciprocated by my significant other. Years before SAM there was a guy, zach. He IS (present tense) so special to me. even now and i know forever more. From the day I met him when I was 13 til now, almost 19 I can honestly say I’ve cared for him more than anything (similar to the love I have for my family). Not in a brotherly way though. I care about his life, thoughts, how he is doing school, how his day went, if he’s sick, or even if he just had a bad day. He has always been there for me no matter what. I remember how I lived in hazel green and he lived ALL the way in madison. That commute killed our parents i”m sure. But we didn’t care. we loved each other. We had love at the age of 14 that even grown adults could not fathom. NO there was no sex, just a deep connection that only soulmates yearned to have. We had it all. But our immaturity kept us from growing as a couple. Our bodies and minds left us to wander apart. A growing pain I guess that peaked as we broke up. A year and half was how long we were together. A year and half of long conversations, letters, gifts, guitar serenades, swimming late at night, dinner with his parents, dinner with my parents, watching old 80’s films, going to the movies, not watching the movies, kissing, cuddling, and most importantly sharing a bond that NO one else could ever imagine. And it was all my fault that it ended. I wanted a taste of something new…but was it worth it? that is when all of my faults began when it comes to love and relationships. It’s only recently that i’ve taken a LONG much needed break from guys. I’ve always had someone. that’s my reputation. kassie is SINGLE?? what is the world coming to. Now that i’ve been single for so long, I’m happy to have been released of my reputation as a clingy girl who always needs a boyfriend. I’ve emerged from that awful cocoon as a radiant woman who is now open for a good relationship and a deep connection that i’ve been yearning for ever since these two guys. I would say that now that i’m older it will be different. but I think it will be different for another reason. because i’ve grown as a PERSON. i’ve gained experiences and advice over this past year that I would not have gained from breakups and makeups. I can honestly say that I am so happy to have been cleaned of all of my past and ready to move on. College is next on my list. Hoping to meet you there (my guy). Of course I fantasize that it will be just like the movies. I bump into after coffee or meet you during class, something crazy happens that we have to go through together and we fall in love. graduate together. get married. have kids. buy a home. successful careers. But honestly if everything was that easy then Life wouldn’t be a rewarding as it is. I’ve made my mistakes and I’m happy I did because it has brought me to this point in my life. Whether or not it would have come earlier or later. I’m just happy that it came. For some people it never does. I am so thankful that I am at this point in my life, that I am ready for you to make your appearance (my guy). I want you to run into me like they do in the movies. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Catch me off guard. sweep me off my feet. Make me dance around my room after date. let me cry at night, not cause i’m sad but because i am so happy. leave your sent on me after we hug. let your habits rub off on me (not drinking or smoking cause that’s totally gross). I wanna see your face and just glow from happiness. But most importantly I want you to feel the same way. I don’t want to settle, and I don’t want my guy to settle. SOULMATES, don’t settle. They love and love and love. Anyone can watch numerous romantic movies and think they have it figured out but they don’t. I know I do and I cannot wait for my prince charming.
Paris…made me realize that i want a COMPLETE fresh start. with life and relationships. who knew a trip could cause this epiphany?
While staying in the same place for so long, eating at the same places, same ole’ conversations with the same people..being somewhere completely out of your element takes your mind away. This trip definitely made me realize my potential as a person in society. Confidence was gained, life was cherished and my stomach..was definitely full. A much needed trip for a high school graduate I must say. If you ever get the chance to visit Paris, I highly recommend it.
still my favorite song, ever!
buy this album :)